Saturday, December 06, 2008

Shovel Cherry

I broke my shoveling snow cherry this morning and I feel like a new woman. Have I mentioned how much I love snow? If I lived in California, I could not have the "I just don't feel like dealing with the weather, so I'm staying in" excuse. Not too many climates I appreciate more than snowy ones. The only warm place (in U.S.) I'd try my best to cope with living there is New Orleans, but it costs just as much to live there as it does here because housing is not readily available unless you don't mind the state of the residence and/or you have the means to rehab the place. I wish I did. I just read an article in Interview Magazine about an artist that started from scratch and created an amazing art space right before Katrina hit and is still plugging to help rebuild her community one installation at a time. At times I feel a wee bit insignificant to have only the shoveling of snow on the agenda today. Well, and the plastic on the windows. The office sits on the second floor (renovated attic) of the home I rent here in Portage Park. It's a different kind of Chicago neighborhood, but I like the suburban feel in a city environment and it is very useful to live near people that take care of their property. Especially the snow. I got out there at 9am today and I have to say that even though I biffed the icy mix storm the other night and am still dealing with the ice blocks remaining, the salt I picked up yesterday (almost gone- thanks $7.99 jug of pet and plant friendly salt- yay capitalism) has kept the driveway relatively cleared.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Mrazgiving

No one has taught me more about being good to people, expressing gratitude, and being thankful than Jason Mraz. I draw so much inspiration, good advice, and a great example of humanity from this person and gush to talk to anyone who will listen about him (thanks Wayne). Obama has been making my body buzz and until then only Jason and John Lennon produce that feeling and most recently it had been fading. This is not a sexual buzz. This is a "I will follow you wherever you lead me to go" kind of buzz. But with the holidays approaching and the economy sucking harder every minute, I admit, I am a little depressed. So when Jason comes to town I try to make sure I don't lose my mind from THINKING about the sheer amount of questions I have about business, touring, friends, family, travels, pooping, kitties and randoms like lazer lights. He shares, he educates, he creates, he imagines, he is gracious, and he is cool. My buddy Jason was in Milwaukee at Eagle's Ballroom last Friday night and then he played the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago on Saturday. As luck would have it, I was able to attend both with backstage privileges. I brought three friends along for the Chicago show and Jason put us sidestage behind the sound board and Micah, the super sound guy. The first picture is of the stage while we were the only people on stage for about 30 mins with 5,000 people staring at us, or so I felt. Crazy. And the next picture is a little blurry, but I think you understand where we were.

In Milwaukee we got about 20 mins with Jason backstage, but in that time we shared some down time and he mentioned getting me sidestage passes in Chicago and I was not sure what that meant until I took that empty stage picture. No wing, no curtain and not even tall speakers. I have to admit, it was pretty fucking cool. It has me spoiled though and I'm fascinated by the lifestyle and the backstage perspective. Any chance to see the grid system or just the view is super. There's my inner stage manager for ya. It is a treat and a gift to be able to hang with old friends more often than not and actually watch them grow and perform (up close and not so). I've known Jason for 13 years or thereabouts. He rocks the variety ease. Steely Dan and then Rick James' "Mary Jane". He is just right. He covered a little Sinatra, a little Bennett, and did "Clockwatching" into "No Stopping Us" which was just delightful. Well done buddy. I am thankful for Mraz time however I can get it. I look forward to your Christmas album whenever you want to release that gem. Seriously. "O Holy Night". seriously.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Encouraged to Die Old Whilst Fucking

Mexico's affair with life long fucking

Why would you encourage raise single mother rates? Doesn't your country already have population issues? How about you tell them to get over their old, soft dick and take up golf or Wii. And abortion and birth control are not acknowledged as legitimate in a Catholic lifestyle, but procreating just to have sex is beyond re-fucking-dick-ulousness! I like sex, I like sucking cock, but I'm not risking getting knocked up by some old dude just because his government believes his right to fuck into old agedom is the least they can do to help improve the quality of life. Fucking does improve the quality of life for everyone. Whatever. Who am I to stop the Mexican government from passing out "hard-dick" pills to those that can barely drive or read. Let them have children at 70 and leave the mothers to neglect their poor obese children. This goes along with the US benefits covering Viagra (lame example, but I don't care) for many years before even considering to cover birth control or even the government actually calling it maternity leave as opposed to a "leave of absense". I'm not bitter. I get laid enough for sure, but I don't want my next option to be a 73 year old immigrant who wants to get his rocks off and scrape more genes from the bottom of his dead sperm count.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Express It Tiny!

Suck it paps. Glad to know sign language lessons are not being missed.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Good Grief

Thank you for voting. And thank you for picking the right individual to guide us for the next 8 (or more if they allow for future presidents) years. You know he's my boyfriend and stuff, but Michelle and I are cool, so it's all good. ;) The City of Chicago felt the love on Wednesday and most of Thursday, but when the cold returned to Chicago, so did the douchery. I almost got run over 3 times, and I had the right of way all times, by a car full of African American Yankee fans and then an Asian woman tried to run me over from behind on her bicycle and yes, we were on the sidewalk. She didn't say one word and even hit my arm and said nothing. not a damn thing. At least the guy in the back of the first car that almost hit me seemed apologetic for his hurried driver. Nevertheless it does not give the cabbie the right to take a left when I have the crosswalk sign and almost kill me. He wanted to get out of the car, but thought better of it when he saw my gun that I carry. I wish sometimes. I don't own a gun, but apparently it is my right as an Amuurrrrican. Guns are for law enforcement officers. Anyhooooooo. What's more upsetting about these three occurrences today is they were all less than 1/2 a mile from the Hilton where Obama gave his first post election press conference. I had to get the Chubbs some food at Kriser's and I just stumbled upon all the police/security, tv satelite trucks, and two corners scattered with paparazzi. It occurred to me that I heard them say on the radio this morning that Obama would be at the Hilton. How neat. Later in the day I will learn that his office is in the building across the street from my office. Whatever that man asks of me as an American is top priority. Only now is politics an option, but only if they legalize it. GO Obama!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Vote, People, Vote!!!!!

Say it loud - YES WE CAN!!!!!! Say it proud - YES WE CAN!!!!! Vote like a muthah fuckah- YES WE MUTHAH FUCKING CAN!!!!!! It is today that your vote counts more than it has ever in history! Vote and ye shall be the proud parent of voting for the person you want to run your country. If you know anything at all about politics, and if you have been prithee to a fire being lit up under yo' ass, then you know you voted right (unless of course you are racist, then I am not speaking to you). I voted early and proudly. While reading a highly liberal magazine, I learned about how voting Democratic has been hard in previous elections because of unscrupulous tactics used by the Republican party to disenfranchise democratic voters. Democrats may have participated in some goofy junk, too, but never to the level as the Republicans. My one regret this election is not living in Virginia to carry another vote for Obama. I pray that Virginia chooses the black guy! I pray that Florida gets their shit together and make their votes count instead of losing them to the system. I pray that Sarah Palin never makes it to the White House and I pray that Obama becomes the first and one of many great African Americans to reside in the White House. Here's to Obama! You heard me right, people, I'm praying for Barack Obama's win today! Keep those Republicans honest!!! Go Obama!!!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Just Laying Around

So, what's the deal with the winnings for tipping off a crime? The reward money. Where does that money come from? How is it that you could win $100,000 being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Magic. Ridiculous. Why hasn't anyone started a company invested in putting people in the absolute worst positions to not only rip off the government, but to load up for not doing a f'n' thing (insert any company, federal institute, entertainment job, etc). Is this "reward" money just laying around in a petty cash box or tip jar? It just seems that money kind of comes out of nowhere for witnesses of crimes. I'm sure it's tax dollars, but how do they gage how many people they will need to pay for the possible lies they will tell or not as they case may be. bah. Don't try to explain it to me, I really don't want to know.

"Tom, I'd like for you to pal around with this guy Lenny, who has a history of mental illness and we believe is planning to mail letters with baking soda, used in place of a toxic substance of course, to over 50 banks. We are of the assumption that he is somewhere in Texas. Good luck."

You are a winner!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Please Please Me Beatles IPod

For some of you know that I was the unfortunate victim of car thievary this past week end. It was a loss that I was able to accept and walk away from until less than 24 hours later I realized what I had left in the car: about 80% of my music collection including my ENTIRE Beatles collection. For the past 20 years, I have had a tiny love affair with the Beatles, specifically John Lennon. When I realized the loss, my heart slid down my esophagus and out of my feet towards the front door. I gathered it back up and explained that things can be replaced and to stop believing that rich people get the breaks because they can easily replace a 20 year collection of music (well, except those wicked 90's imports from Japan - Farwell Harry Connick, Jr.'s "Greatest Hits"). Here is a plead for someone to purchase the limited edition Beatles IPod and graciously give it to me. PLEASE!!! Pretty Please Please Me with the box set that I would gladly burn on my own since I have iTunes on my computer, but have never bought or downloaded music courtesy of Apple. If only you would. If only YOU, random generous, amazing, and wonderful individual could be so helpful and loving to gladly purchase the iPod for a wonderfully dedicated Beatles fan and terrific individual. The sheer joy and appreciation YOU could receive from me just by sacrificing less than a grand on little ol' me is up to you. Are you out there, kind, wonderful friend of the Beatles with money to spare, it's me, Kathleen, the one that will promise you a friendship of mountains and possibly a payment plan to get that cash back to you if you really want me to pay for it. There are only 2500! so please pick it up fast and your Karma will be good for life! Much obliged.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The New Petroleum

Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the world disclosure of the New Petroleum. It's called corn syrup. Just Google the two things together with no semi-colon, etc. and you'll find quite a few articles and blogs give examples of why the two are deadly in excess and are causing our country to fall apart. Greed helps and it led to both of these problems. Plastic can be used in place of everything non-edible and corn syrup can be added to damn near anything edible to make it taste "better" or sweet. Roughly two years ago I was overcome with a most annoying rash and not one doctor could figure out its root. Over the next two years on my own I would discover yeast and corn syrup to be the main culprits of the reactions, but I still question some of the wheat gluten products that may or may not list them. I've moved my diet to mostly organic foods now and I am trying desperately to not overeat and/or waste this expensive ass food. Gas is something I only get once a month as I take the train and bus to and from work and other times when parking gives me an ulcer. It just goes to show you that it is always a struggle for the lower incomed folks. If I didn't have a car payment, I'd be a little all right, but I also shouldn't have the debt I do and yet I still will put myself in the hole for a trip to the grocery store. Having to bring my lunch to work is difficult because I am lazy and I get bored easily. The days get harder to swallow when all you want to do is eat a juicy delicious hamburger at UFoodGrille, but you is overdrawn in yo' checkin' account and yo' ass only gots $2 in yo' pockit. And you know this, man.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Roller Derby Yeehah!

The legs right at the hip joint are more sore than I remember them ever being even after playing tennis and doing suicides, etc. The knees are trippin' out, too, which is expected, sad to say. Not too bad, but kind of funny that today's pain came just about two hours after we stopped instead of gracefully reminding me tomorrow morning while I attempt to get out of bed. The last time that happened was when I participated in a three day intensive stage combat workshop in '05. I was positive my legs were gonna collapse on the way to the train after only the first day. The burning. JC. Today is not even close to that pain because our health and leg muscles are pretty ok. Just chubby. Conventional gyms are not what I look for in a workout.

My buddy JP and three other skater/punk chicks picked me up and we drove what seemed like ever out to Lombard (a 'burb of Chicago) to the roller rink since Chicago doesn't have any rinks. Sad. The group that hosted tonight's open skate were the Derby Lite team. Super group of gals. It's a commitment, but it's also way fun and different. I'm gonna do it. I bought some damn skates. I also got a lot of encouragement and the pain I feel now is something that will certainly go away with continued efforts and perseverance. And the fact that I bought the daggone skates!!! Wha??? Well, as the 15 year old skates that I was driving started to liquefy and drop shrapnel on the rink endangering everyone, we figured while we were there might as well get some new parts. It turned into buying skates. I cannot express the sheer joy I felt skating again. It was absolutely delightful. I was good, too. It felt so good to put on those skates and find a little confidence I used to have when it was three times a week to the rink in junior high and high school. Great day. Tomorrow I may feel like the 'floor of a taxi cab', but it will have been very worth the continued grunting.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Cancer Breast Poop

About a month ago I had the pleasure of greeting a new doctor with my legs spread. i.e. This is the 5th doctor in my series of doctors since I graduated college that I've met for the first time on my annual pap visit. HELLO \_/!!!! That sad symbol looks nothing like my vagina. Oh, my bad, I meant to say vajayjay. What-ev. Well, during this visit I was a little stressed about the move, having fallen off the smoking wagon for a few weeks (I'm clean again for good), and just the current situation of our world in general. My doc found a lump. Great. The next day, when my mom was to be in town, she was able to go with me to the hospital to get a mammogram and ultrasound. Good fun! I have to tell you, I was pretty calm for what could await me in the viewing room. I've never sat in a room half nekked, waiting for what felt like an eternity for a stranger to tell me I could leave the room. That was awkward and somewhat alarming, but I just chalked it up to routine. I was given clear instructions that my doctor was the only one that could read the results to me. Turns out my doctor was on vacation. I didn't even bother. I waited until after the Labor Day holiday, but before I could question anything, I received a form letter that explained all is clear and that I should get a regular mammogram when I turn 40. Wow. A form letter? I take the good news. Last week, my mother informs me (after she repeatedly asks if I am sitting down) that my sister has breast cancer. Folks, it is the most amazing thing to be cleared of any health disasters, but it does a disservice to our health when our loved ones are touched with scary illnesses especially a highly ironic diagnosis. My sister has some serious treatment coming her way as it is an aggressive strain of breast cancer, but her doctor is of Johns Hopkins and with the advancement of technology these days, I feel she will have the best chance at recovery and lifelong remission. This is optimism. The level of stress in her life, again, I believe, directly results in this heinous infection in her body. Folks, smoke weed, don't marry the hot navy guy until you know he gives a shit about real things, and when you have kids teach them how not to be selfish, superficial, and how to pick up after themselves. It goes beyond that fo' sho', but in my near numb reaction to my own sister's predicament, I am reminded of just how vulnerable we are and for life to turn on us is just a shame.

I consider myself a veteran of cancer interactions: My Godmother died of lung cancer in 1989, my best friend died of cervical cancer at 25 in 2002, a once good friend had Hodgkins twice, a very dear friend had a lump removed from her breast, we're not sure what my mom's mother and/or sister lost their lives from (but we think it may have been Cancer), and let's not count how many of my friends' parents/family members that have and are dealing with cancer (if not the lasting effects of post treatment). Eat organic, breathe, and be grateful for the life you have right now, please.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Home Internet Eludes Me

As the Comcast stiffs, vacates, lies, steals, and tinkers with our lives and our ability to keep abreast of the technoligical world's constant battle, I haven't blogged in two months. Like there is anyone reading this that really cares, but I do. Just to complain about them for another few more minutes to keep you up to speed as to why I still don't have home internet service. Prior to moving at the end of Aug, I had called Comcast to set up a time slot for transfer of service. Three weeks. They had no appointments for 3 weeks. Oh, ok. I can kind of understand the situation for it to the "busiest" moving weekend of the year (?). They were informative to tell me to bring all of my equipment with my move, so that it can be hooked up at the new place and no charges will be added. Ok, so I had a family emergency last week and had to cancel my appt for Sat 9.13, but there was no chance for getting a tech out for the once offered 4-7pm slot during the week. Comcast had no other options even as I asked if there were any 4-7pm appts for Oct and the rep informed me that there were no appts for that time slot available. Why were we still talking about it? Why did she mention the option? I dunno, so instead of having to take yet another day off from my 9-5 job, I am forced to give up another Sat for them to decide whenever they want during some kind of window. I bet you that I could have easily just hooked the damn junk up myself with some basic information considering the prior tenants had the same setup. Comcast could save money if they took advantage of their "smart" users. They could have saved a day of wages for one tech, not to mention his gas and mileage. Am I retarded for wanting to save Comcast time, money, and energy? When will Comcast add an option on their auto attendant that allows their triple play customers to alert them that all three services are down without having to talk to three different representatives? When will Comcast get better customer service and stop treating their smart users like retards? Anyone? Anyone?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Step Away From the Magazines

Recovering chronic People mag buyer. I couldn't subscribe because that would just prove my weakness, so I just kept buying it at newsstand cost. Tard. Upon moving to Chicago, with our new credit card, I got swindled into buying $500 in magazine subscriptions (Rolling Stone, Interview, ESPN, Entertainment Weekly, Reader's Digest, Good Housekeeping{?!!}, Vanity Fair, DETAILS and a sundry of others related to initial credit card purchase and not). Never again. The "mag" company just took their monthly subscription cost out of the cc account. The obsession of checking the balance of money related accounts hadn't been routine as they are today. I will check the same account sometimes three times just to see if anything else has cleared, so at the end of the day I can sleep knowing there is a positive balance in the bank. A friend of mine recently revealed her choice to rarely speak of money and how much she makes or discuss anyone's financial situation. I am however the complete opposite and it did not used to be that way, but when it is the root of evil (the love of it) and the key to my happiness, seriously, I just can't stop thinking about it. Would never marry for it because that can makes things worse. I would rather be left with $10 at the end of the paycheck than with the idea of uncomfortably large monthly payments because it did not get paid last month so-we's-got-to-double-up-this-month type of thing. It is an ebb and flow. I don't keep a check book and that is one key to my retardation. I've tried, lord knows I have tried, but numbers make me anxious and I tend to run from having to use them, even though I am actually quite good in math and have been since childhood. Nerd-a-lert. Conditioned reflex to run from because my 7th grade, "Superior Math" class teacher, Ms. Durham, was such a freak. She had the driest sense of humor and it made me drift. With the most deadpan of delivery, she shared this joke, "My plant is having babies, and you can't watch." Truly not my type of classroom environment, but most educational for the spirit and comical in retrospect. Never again would I like math.

One of the many projects I must undertake in the next few weeks is letting go of magazines. F'n magazines. I have piles of f'n magazines and the task is daunting. Hording is definitely something I fear and I'm seeing a good basis here with the accumulation of magazines. Particularly because I don't read them right away and think miraculously I will make time to read all of them. I used to, but I read so much at work that I get annoyed when I have to do it off the clock. Whatever. These piles won't whittle down themselves and yet I keep finding magazines that have Russell Crowe involved which looks like a major issue. Put the magazines in the recycle bin. Put the mag-a-zine in...the...recycle...bin...

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Do, but Don't

Here I am swimming in a city of creativity and douchery. There is so much that I gather from this city, but somehow I am constantly searching for the real reason of a near decade old move. This is a beautiful city and while I believe this is my place to be right now, the constant fear of inadequacy is supported by the phone calls with Mom. How am I ever going to get done what I need done when I am still living under the beliefs and guilt of my mother? I have never been a "momma" or "daddy's" girl for the record, and yet I am still finding it hard to drop everything and go out to do what I think is my calling. What is stopping me? Fear? The OCD? The crowds? The failure? The constant unknown? The desire to have a mortgage, but don't want to wait another two decades or more to get there. I want a yard and a dog.

Happy Birthday Mom! ;P

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Free Ride

It has been a decade at least since I was in a musical. Upon graduation from college I already had a job working for a children's theatre touring company, but there was no music. As I auditioned for more grown up stuff, I realized I was never prepared enough. In college, I got by and landed some pretty stellar roles, but these days, my half assin' techniques will get me nowhere. I have been taking voice lessons for about a year. Progress has been made and my coach also sends out pertinent auditioning info which I am cashing in on. It was a free musical theatre workshop set up by the Actor's Equity for all actors -non and equity alike. It was extremely informative and it also helped to solidify the knowledge I walked away with from college. Most things are still generally the same sans the colored headshot. There was a panel of distinguished guests and various contributors to the Chicago stage along with 5 randomly picked auditioners. Networking eludes me and so name dropping is useless here as names are in one ear and out the other and no program was received. It has always been the process that pushed me away from performing. Haha. So so sad. Now I understand it was more ADD and low self esteem that lead me away from challenges. Memorizing lines is not my thing, but give me a song and dance and I am practicing all the time. I want to get back into the scene; I miss singing and dancing.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

CC AC part 2

So tonight I remembered to get my Comcast email set up, but the chat wait is 21! The online wait is just as retarded as the call center. If you don't have Comcast, don't get it. Get something else. It's not worth the hassle if you ever need assistance. Worst service ever and even when they try to help, they still do not help you as much as you need them to do so. They point vaguely in the direction you need to go, but never can answer all your questions. Well done AC. Still suckin'.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Recycling, Good Words, Getting Through

Recently a massive company gave away thousands of free vacuum sealers. "What a crazy campaign!" I thought, but was glad to stand in line for two seconds and not have to fill out anything to receive not one, but TWO of these vacuum sealers. I don't cook that much to really need it and I have an issue about plastics these days (I'm learning to pick my battles), but it might help me work more with leftovers. Regardless, of the free aspect of it, today I took the vacuum thingy out of the package for a closer look and to my dismay, there is not one indicator on the package for recycling or how much of it is post consumer plastic content, etc. My theory for the massive giveaway is there was a massive goof in not having the packaging recyclable or "green" as the kids call it these days. I used to call it "hippie" or "new agey", but these days it's becoming my lifestyle. Maybe it is a win-win giveaway for the company, but I do hope they get on board with less plastic as it is a mauling and killing our environment as well as our offspring.

This past week end was host to a super duper event, Pilcrow Lit Fest, and it was smashing. The attendees and participants were a groovy mix of very cool peeps and their super friends and fans. I was obliged to volunteer at a few of the panels and learned excellent tips and stories of experience from these wonderfully creative writers, authors, publishers, bloggers, and they are all supporters and believers in the true and honest delivery of independent print. This festival has certainly inspired me to not only get back on the regular writing trip, but to get cracking on the comedy release. Well done Pilcrow folks. Cheers to next year and many more!

This has been a week of mental breakdowns and heightened self consciousness which is just obnoxious, but when the time comes and the day of bloodshed is upon us, one sometimes is unable to leave her apartment. I've also become so spazed out in my thirties that I haven't been able to watch movies all the way through. I made myself watch Ratatouille which was delightful. Patton Oswalt has always been a funny performer and he fit very well with the rest of the cast. Distraction. Then I caught most of Breakfast At Tiffany's which I had never seen. It made it more difficult leaving my apartment even though I had more or less planned to be away from it for a stretch of time both weekend days, but got a couple passes on Sunday for commitment stuff so I've been veggin' the last two days. Been somewhat productive, but it seems that they are just daily/weekly chores that pile up. When I have children, they will learn to pick up after themselves and after their mommy. Isn't that why people have children?

On Friday last I joined my friend and her fiancee at Whole Foods for a quick (not) trip to pick up some munchies for the evening. It ended up taking almost an hour. Wow. I hardly take that time when I'm shopping for two weeks of stockage. Whatever. I guess it boils down to how I feel about myself physically and add stonage and you have a highly self conscious individual. For some crazy reason I felt people looking at me strange or with pity as I did not arrive at Whole Foods at the the top of my vain game. We got almost out of the store and got caught up at the deli. They took for-fucking-ever to pick out what they wanted for the three of us to eat. I became more and more uncomfortable as I stood there in agony when all of a sudden "Who Let the Dogs Out" came over the loudspeaker considerably louder than the music that had been playing a moment before. I looked around to see more people looking in my general direction and smiling, but not in a friendly way, more so in a Nelson "haha" way. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. One day I won't give a shit, but until then, I shall keep dancin' along in the aisles to those songs that may or may not be dedicated to me at the grocery store.

In life I am looking for a job that incorporates environmental activism, happiness without prescription meds, and sex that involves love without depending on my pointer and index fingers.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Recycling and Pilcrow

Practicing what I preach has been a goal for sometime and though right now I am cutting some corners to save some water, the practice has become a mission and sometimes a blessing. A dear friend is hosting the literary festival Pilcrow and asked me to supply the environmental consulting. At first I thought it just meant fashioning recycling receptacles and it does, but it also means I will handle all of the recycling without help from "corporate" and/or "city" help. It must remain true to the local guys. I picked up a pallet of wood from a local landscaping business, Lake Street Landscape Supply to break apart and fashion some recycling receptacles so that they could be reused, easy to transport, and not plastic. As I realized no matter how much I loved using power tools and could hold my own, I had no idea how to blue print not only the cutting, but then the hinges. What became the most daunting task was that my one good connection with power tools moved. Plan D was to put an add in Craigs to see if someone would loan me their power tools for the afternoon or to ask for help on how to work the construction. My original idea was to acquire cheaply and/or borrow a few walkers with wheels. I think I insulted the companies I inquired with as no one responded. So sad. The initial plan was to ask local recycling resources for assistance in a pick up, but all asked for money by donation or otherwise and I totally understand. I couldn't give them numbers because I wouldn't know the exact situation for this first time venture for the recycling job and the festival itself. As a last ditch before purchasing lame plastic receptacles from Target, I went to the Salvation Army to see if they had ANYTHING suitable for what I was in need and voila! right there under the table in the middle of clothes and purses galore were these five tray tables waiting for me. A little pricier than I expected, but wouldn't you know, they were tagged with a 'made in burma' sticker. I thought, 'what a weird coincidence' because it had only been a day or two since the typhoon, but then I thought, 'are they trying to make more $ off these because of Burma?' Who knows. Whatever, so I got my recycling receptacles, but who knows how well they will work. We know that over 80 participants are ready to be on panels and I couldn't tell you how many fans will attend, so this is quite adventurous for all involved.

Yesterday I attended the Green Festival here in Chicago. 2nd year running and once again, IT WAS FABULOUS!!!! I love, love, love LOVE it that people want to save our planet. I just wish the old farts would take heed and listen to the not-only-grassroots-hippie-environmental-folks, but listen to the land and our health. They are both screaming for a change. I ain't just talking Obama, but I will shout his name from the mountain tops with pride for this country if we correctly put him in the White House.

Come out to Pilcrow! Support your local publishers, your local shops, your local farmers, your local everything! And if you publish anything, maybe think about using these guys.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Only 75 more to go...

As if I wasn't already reminded of how seemingly unmarriable I am, I must don another fucking bridesmaid dress. I am the "sister" of the groom yet again, and yet again I am made to buy a red dress that will make me look like a fucking house. YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!! It is so lame to be so negative about it, but I don't have money to buy a dress for someone I almost don't like, but because she had to go and marry one of my best friends, I am forced to be gracious and accept the cost along with the distant annoyance. I will refrain from going into full details as it is possible to hurt her feelings and I am really doing all of it for the groom. Fucking dick. I owe him nothing and yet I feel this unending need to do things for him even though he treated me with such repeated disrespect. This is the time to let it go and yet, I grow more annoyed because the bride has picked David's Bridal for the dresses and there is no David's Bridal in Chicago. It's in a 'burb and hour away. Come ON! If I weren't so damn self conscious, my wedding would all be in the nude.

For the record and a little history of my wedding involvements:
Flower girl
Altar server twice (that's right a progressive Catholic church- I didn't even have to wear a white robe and I carried the cross!)
Bridesmaid - 5 xs 6 in October
Maid of Honor
Emcee of reception
Weed provider for bride

~was supposed to be in three others and backed out of two and wasn't involved in the third because it stayed with just immediate family and I have two more on the horizon, but they will probably elope to avoid the hassle of it all. I respect them all the way. Spending that much money on one day sends me to space. Recently I was invited to a wedding with 650 guests. I.I...I..I..honestly had no idea how to digest considering the guest list AND racistly enough I expected the table of black folk I was meeting to stand out for me or for me to stand out to them, but no luck with 650 colors of the rainbow. No alcohol. I was thankful to not drink because I would have been housed in the middle of the burbs and making cracks about the grooms Aladdin suit. Traditional garb for his country sure, but ignorant white girl's fodder. Complete with the elf shoes. I almost peed my pants. Soooooo glad there was no alcohol. The brides dress was covered in multi-colored beads or jewels. Still, the sheer weight of it must have been just unnecessary. I am unable to justify the necessity, but that makes me a different type of woman. For me, it is about my man and me. I appreciate the idea of sharing with your friends and family, and I'm all about ceremony and tradition, but not all brides need a carnival to join with the love of her life.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Apparently I'm Retarded

How is it that in an "oil crisis", our only option is to drill Virginia and Alaska? How is it that the so called "stimulus" packages are only now being looked at as insignificant and frankly, another wasting of tax payer money? I'm at a loss here. Being a reformed Republican once I removed my self from the Hollywood image of Reagan, I have now become an honest bleeding heart (without the full throttle of wanted to feed ALL the poor). Sunday I began my detox from aluminum based deodorants and not only do I stink, but the more I think about why I'm doing it makes me sweat harder. Last Thursday I attended a seminar on healthy skin care products hosted by my favorite and only apothecary, Merz (and online at . I once attended a similar seminar hosted by the same with Burt's Bees as the presenter (not so much of fan of Burt's since it's corporate buyout by Clorox). I tried to detox right after that, but fell ill with each passing whiff of myself, so I bailed on the task. The more I changed to natural products, the more resistant I became about changing deodorants because I naturally sweat harder than any woman I know even with the strongest of agents (Secret). Product packaging along with the ingredients of those products tend to move towards the plastic which clearly is an oil based product and just recently more talk of toxicity coming from those plastics makes me just as queasy as that first college hangover. And speaking as a city employee, the government has an awful lot of audacity to think that our lives can not survive without oil. It is absolute lunacy that we haven't addressed the FDA's "guidelines" and "laws". Plastic kills where glass only cuts or maims. Marijuana is a gift and so is the sun. We spend so much time on shit that doesn't work when these two NATURAL mother fucking resources have not been tapped into for helping offset environmental issues, health issues, and energy issues. The sun is a ball of flame just sitting there asking for us to use her and her hotness while we just sit and bathe in her toxicity using creams that contain harmful and deadly agents of wrath. The marijuana plant or hemp or pot or smokey smoke can help offset the reduction of trees, cotton, beauty products, cancer meds and pain, not to mention the amount of money the government could make off the shit and its distribution. I may not agree with all that the Democrats have given us since being the majority, but Fuck this administration for sucking the dicks of oil companies here and overseas. It is monumentally embarrassing that there is no removing of the oil in sight and we will all die because of it which just makes it difficult to get up and go to work every day. Boo hiss. Wah.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

As the Horn Blows

I am woman. I am a fiesty woman. I am a chill woman. I am a woman who can handle any catastrophe that you throw my way, but if you question my knowledge one more time, I will fucking punch you in the face and rip your sac off! What is it with people not taking my ideas or believing me when I tell them the problem is real? Things have not been going well recently and I am just trying to get through the day without killing myself and those who piss me off near my personal space. Once again my car is getting fixed. More specifically, the horn of my car is being "fixed". Whether they really fix it this time or not is what concerns me the most. The horn, connected to the airbag (how convenient!!) goes off on its own, but there is virtually no way in this day and technology age to document the "mysterious" horn blowing. This issue has been going on for a year and the mechanic may be closer to believing the situation today.

We shall see. According to this forum, sounds like I am SOL!!!!!

Thursday, April 03, 2008


Comcast Assclowns. I realize lots of people have complained about the assclownery that goes on with Comcast Customer Service and I'm adding one more. Not days before I decided to put all my services on one bill with Comcast did a friend of mine rant on and on about how fucking retarded Comcast's customer service is and how he would be canceling his service to deal with another provider. I just chalked it up to my buddy having some anger management issues and customer service ineptitude until I actually had to make calls regarding a minor adjustment to my Comcast service. If you have all three services (internet, cable, and phone) there is not an "all in one" number to push on their menu, so you have to talk to each department seperately to figure out any issue you may have with your service. Nor do the other departments have a screen that indicates you just calling the other departments, so you are constantly repeating yourself. It's obominable. Waste ma time, muthah fuckah and I put a cap in yo' ass. Oh, if only violence made things better. For now, I must blog into the no-0ne-reads-my-shit oblivion.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Babbling and Vomiting

The Hippocratic Oath. Do no harm. (I am pro-choice mind you) How do some of these doctors sleep at night? The job is not to stop the issue, it is to present a cure or at the very least, to figure out the best answer and most help without raping us. Don't just stop it, fix it without suppressing. It's such a twisted issue. Have you seen the commercials for the Partnership for a Drug Free America? It's not about your brains on drugs anymore, it's about your teenage kid taking the pills for adult pain, nausea, heartburn, anxiety, blood pressure, craziness, et al. Is prescription drug abuse worse than taking Glade hits. Mind you, I've never taken a Glade hit, but I was entertained by a few incidences that were and still are hilarious. Retarded dangerous, but after the Virginia Tech shootings last year and the more recent NIU shootings, I am thankful I was able to stumble around campus wasted and completely "protected" by my college's arms. Though sad, I am more pissed off that they fucked it up for their fellow students. Forget about fear of rape at night, now you have to fear taking a class in an auditorium, eating lunch in the huge ass dining hall. I realize the digression here, but shit needs to be put into perspective. We need more attention at home. Our elderly, not to mention those not so, are being raped by pharmaceutical companies without a thought. It's not about Medicare, it's about drug prices. It all goes back to education. Education is by FAR the most important thing we need to have for everyone. Free and most excellent. It isn't hard and not nearly as costly as people would expect. If I believed in carrying a gun, I'd shoot the old bible beatin' geezers down myself, but I don't believe in carrying a weapon because I don't want that responsibility. Johnny Dickhead that cut me off a block ago will get my wrath instead of say, oh, the biggest chode of chodes sitting on top of us for the next 339 days. And either is not something that will keep me out of jail, but both might award me a medal of courage. Guns belong to a few. A handful outside of law enforcement and that includes, but not limited to the little Asian lady that owns the Jiffy Mart next to the ghetto. We have to stop hurting our own people. I hope it starts to happen before the end of this heinous term. Life is precious.

My heart goes out to all affected by these horrific shootings. And almost specifically to the shooter's father. I can only assume he is beside himself. I know I would be.

Monday, February 04, 2008


Cock Blowing Station? Since when did CBS get hip? In less than two hours, 5 references to weed, unlimited allusions to the male package and/or Viagra, and constant discussions of sex and masturbation have continuously made my jaw drop. CBS???!!!!! What about Ray? And Murder She Wrote? I used to think the station was the Christian Broadcast Station. Who knew I'd get all hot and bothered?

Well, how I got there is via Bravo, via Actor's Studio with Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. It occurred to me today that she is one of my favorite female comedians. I don't have too many, in fact, maybe two or three. Carol Bernette. huh. Just those two come to mind. Well, kudos to Julia, she gets to be in a relationship with Blair Underwood on the The New Adventures of Old Christine. Good lord that man is beautiful. He makes a show worth watching. Maybe CBS should be BCBS.
You know what I'm talking about.

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Battery That Never Was

So about a week or so ago, I had a fire in my kitchen. A weeeee scary for those of you never having experienced such a close call with flamage. I was curious to know why my smoke detector did not go off and it was indeed because there was no battery in the smoke detector.

Never assume your landlord has taken precautions. Just know they aren't thinking about you nearly as much as they are thinking of themselves.

Test and change your smoke detector batteries regularly. They can save your life.

Thursday, January 10, 2008


Some may call it dense. I call it, well dense, I guess. Just had a couple realizations today that make growth worth living through entirely. (major DOH!s) Suicide is so completely understandable. Life is a series of hits and misses. (And I ain't talking about the old clothing store.) It's a new year. Some stayed the same and some hath groweth for the mo' bettereth. Good and bad come and go with that fucking tide, so we might as well try to make the best of it while we still have some passion for life. Sucka dick. Do it in the Amtrak parking lot. Know it's ok to force your co-worker to spoon you. It is totally fine. Keep reminding yourself.

Go sing a medley.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008


Spooning in the new year was pretty sweet. The underestimated power of the spoon. After having your erection bearing into my jeans as you tug on the belt loops grinding me closer, you won't even kiss me. You almost yell, "No turn back around." What is that all about? I'm good enough on the phone or from behind, but not attractive enough for a make out session? Now I know for sure that a good portion of this reaction could have SOMEthing to do with my low self esteem. You should see some of my diary entries as a little girl- always "loving" some dude or many dudes. Some were consistent over the years, but not one of them ever knew the extent of my affection because I never believed I was pretty enough for them. So here I am again in quandary over actions I have performed and things I have said, good and bad. And to his credit, he struggles with self sustained issues as well. Though for spending 24 hrs with the same person and not doing it, he did not get on my nerves nor did I lose my horny patience.

Bottom line was that I got the spoon that I asked for and it was for a decent amount of time AND I got a little boob feel up, too, which was an added bonus. Felt a little like a school girl, but it wasn't exactly the way I envisioned the potential-turned-bailed-seduction attempt. We were supposed to go all the way, but I left a nice fury wall up. hahaha It was good to just have some heavy petting. hahaha And I guess at the very least, you did say I have potential and having heard it before, I think I get it now. I like things that I can spoon; yogurt, peanut butter, cream cheese, cerealThus begins my 2008 New Year's resolution ~ To work on my potential in all capacities.