Sunday, March 25, 2007

Times are Better

Even with the super rip that took out the bottom of my raincoat on Thurs, not to mention the stalker on Tuesday and an absolute scare that shook my love for my buddy Chubbs to the core on Friday, this was an absolutely delightful week. Despite the fact that my neighbors returned from a wonderfully long 24 hr vacation away from me, today has been nice. Yesterday I was able to donate blood once again as I haven't been able to in some time since getting sick and having high blood pressure even though I stopped the cigarettes 9 months ago and haven't looked back. The pressure was still high, but lower than it had been in recent checks and hopefully that will continue to plummet as I am trying to take care of my health organically and holistically.

In addition to just a better and more positive attitude towards myself these days, I had two lovely ladies visit yesterday and they keep me reminding myself and everyone how important friends are in your life. I have a loving family, but we are tuuuurrrrrrible communicators and a little on the selfish side, so I rely more heavily on friends in time of need. I consider myself pretty loyal until you (figurative you) do or say something repeatedly damaging, it ends clearly by one saying I can't speak to you anymore, or it just trails off like most of the men I've dated over the last few years. Meh. smell ya later. But these ladies are stupendously spectacular. Super HEEB HO stopped by to help me rid the do and donate the locks to a fabulous cause and Slave came over for some friendship, nail painting and some de-stressing time. Laughter is instant gratification which is why I've once again found myself reaching for comedy in any form. It makes me happier and it helps me let go of the things that are killing me, but I continue to sneeze. I've never sneezed so much in my life. Now that I don't smoke anymore, now I have allergies. Next week I'm going to get some flowers for the balcony unless my living situation changes. Here's hoping things work out for the best and remain more positive than negative.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Chivalrous Waldo

Upon sardining myself on Chicago #66 approximately at 8:31 this morning I noticed this young man wearing what appeared to be a Where's Waldo shirt. Upon more sneak peeks, he actually had the Waldo look with the thick framed black glasses and not so fro-ey hair, but definitely looked like a real life Waldo. The train has been sucky as it is with delays and overcrowding due to the delays, but today the platform underground at Chicago's Blue Line stop was pretty open. I was the first to descend into the underground passage to the platform and I was the only person that stopped at my usual stopping and train loading spot. I was standing there for a few minutes when a man came by shuffling and what seemed to be wheezing and stood not 2 ft away from me. There was about 40 ft around me that was open, but this guy wanted to stand 2 ft from me breathing as he was and staring at me. Me being the person that makes eye contact had made eye contact initially when this man shuffled passed, but did not attempt to look in his direction again nor did I want to move away from him quickly for it may have sparked some unpleasantness. Well, in not doing anything the man go closer and started to move in behind me. I slid myself against a post a with a smile and an exasperated sigh I grab one side of my face with my hand and had made eye contact with Waldo (I know not his name and hope that no offense is taken by calling him Waldo) who had been watching me and what this guy was doing the whole time we were standing there. Without a word, he started to walk towards me and the creepy guy and without words he corraled the dude away from me. The panic come over me when the train was too crowded and I feared I'd be left on the platform again with the guy, but I didn't want to try the door he and Waldo were using, but the one that was close to me was blocked by people loading and a packed doorway. The panic was enough for me to push in behind a woman and to plead with the passengers to let me in, please and they did without any grief. I looked down the train to where Waldo had borded, leaving the creepy, breathing guy on the platform waiting for the next train. Waldo and I made eye contact and I gave him a 'Thank you' in sign language and mouthed it to him to which he nodded and smiled a little. Thank you for diffusing a potentially scary scene, Mr. Chivalrous Waldo.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Ha Toe Ta Ti Ti

Oh doesn't it feel good when you force yourself to do something and it actually turns out ok?! It sure do. Went to a party last eve for a good lady's Bat Mitzvah and it turned out to be totally fabulous. Over the last few years I have had some luck in having a terrible time with myself at party's of strangers whether it be that I was uncharacteristically unsocial or that the crowd and I just didn't gel. For this reason, I kind of stopped going out. Now it really depends upon my mood or the group and where they're gathering. Sometimes I won't go because I know someone else will be there and I really have no desire to see them or have to dodge them or even confront them at someone else's party. Let alone having to be fake or stifle the disdain I have for them. So negative, believe me, I KNOW! It's terribly frustrating, but now and especially after last night (Thanks LP and Brosef!), I feel a wee more confidence building my bones and balls back up. I wore a beautiful and my most expensive piece of clothing last night. Never wore, only tried on, still had the tags, bought it 3 yrs ago and I just could not bring myself to wear it, until last night. I actually felt good leaving the apt. I was a wee self conscious, but I was also willing to jump out and take the chance that I needed. It's also a sure fire way to get me to keep up with the exercise. I have a few more pieces of clothing that I've never worn because of the weight (bought for incentive to lose weight), so we are taking the initial reason for the purchases and trying to make that be the motivation for getting even healthier.

Good times. Hope all enjoyed a safe and wickedly drunk St Patty's Day!

Monday, March 05, 2007

Dead and Cum

er, uh...Dedication and Commitment. Two words that used to describe a life of mine. See here as this blog has gone by the wayside. A month or so it has been since last I published anything here, but there are 7 drafts just sitting waiting to be completed. I give it to those that are not lazy and continue to put the word out or get a simple chore finished, like taking out the trash (it's a gd accomplishment and don't let anyone tell you diff'rnt). In recent months, I have come to realize that I am indeed spoiled. In so many different ways. My mother spoiled me the only way she knew how because I was an only child pretty much (the youngest of 4 by 9yrs). People have also spoiled me by giving me the greatest friendships of all time for about a year or two then we never speak again for many different reasons. A death, a cheat, a lie, a retarded hypocrisy, distance, and just being girls. Throughout these relationships you look to find yourself and grow together for a bit and learn new things to accept or not about the other. Generally friends will accept one another in such a way that a slip of the tongue should only result in maybe an argument or a few days of not talking not a lifetime of silence. Then again, those friends that can't see past themselves in any way shape or form, though they may think they do, remove themselves either because they are sick of hearing the truth every time I am around and that ain't the troooffff they tryin' to heah or it's not enough about them. The other spoilin' come from that fallout. Trust is still an issue no matter how hard I try to break back to the way it used to be. Lately I have been really making an effort to think about how I used to react to people as a child. More specifically, how did I react and communicate with the "special" folk? Watching a bit of the Beatles' Anthology last night and they remarked on how John would act kind of retarded (of course the 3 remaining didn't say it that way) when he would be uncomfortable; anywhere. There was even clips of it. I laughed. I picked it up from previous clips before they said anything. Me too, John. Regardless. Being the comedian, I was always nice to special folk and then had a good laugh at their expense later, but then it was adolescent immaturity and now it's just immaturity for comedy's sake. Genuinely though I used to help out like go to a dance for the Special Olympics and let my high school janitor grab my ass when I was a senior! OMFG!!! Creepy and no I didn't let him, but you know my whole youth group was joking and egging me on. I used to help the kids with crutches, chairs, Cerebral Palsy, etc, here and there and I want to do that again. Seems more rewarding to help other people and spread the wealth. It's also hard to hang on to friends because they sure do come and go so quickly so might as well make someone new have a good time. I used to dedicate and commit myself to making sure all who I encountered had a good time with me or I was able to help them in some capacity. So much so that even in their absence, though it may be miles and years since seeing or communicating with them, I will still spend just a little time of my day thinking fondly on that person and wondering how they are when guaranteed they haven't thought of me in years. It's been a long road on the way to myself and we are getting there. A few setbacks this past year have given me a new way to look at things and it will take a little more time to get to a good place again. Just want to give a shout out to you HEEB HO for your friendship and total understanding of the way things should be. Thanks for the Purim. That was ssssssssssuper!