Sunday, October 02, 2005

Tuesdays with Leenie

Yesterday was Tuesday and on Tuesdays I have therapy. My therapist is a spritely young lady who finds me funny. I'm a pretty goofy girl. Tonight I got my evenings mixed up and wasn't supposed to meet with her until next week. Well, the security guard knows I'm usually the last to show on Tuesdays, so once I showed up she went on break and locked the doors. My doctor looked at me strangely when we greeted and informed me that she thought two other people were supposed to be there, but earlier she had though I was supposed to be there. Instead of thinking that maybe her stoner patient may have flaked, she thought she'd fucked up the times. In the meantime, the real patients of the evening out were trying to get in and who knows what was going through their heads especially if they're really fucked up to begin with and this wasn't helping anything. I let them in on my way out without too much of a reaction from either one. What do I care about them? Who f'n knows. But it bothers me that they didn't really say anything when I opened the door for them. Whatever. Too many therapists were convinced smoking pot was the root of all my problems. What do they know? It helped more than they did at the time and in some ways still do. To pay someone to have sex with you is sad, but to pay to have someone objectively listen to you is an enormous help when you've tapped out your friends with your obsessions. The one thing I can't talk about is the phone sex affair with a might-as-well-be-married-dude half way across the continent. What's really fucked up about it is that I'm angry with the way men stereotypically treat women and the exploitation of women in the media. What kind of woman am I? An American Woman. I want what I morally shouldn't have, but the media makes it ok and I grew up on media and it may have done a better job than my folks. Why is that? Because I was the kid that was supposed to save the marriage. Probably the root of why I'm in therapy. And that's how it mixes in your stomach anyway. If you're just joining us... welcome. This is the beginning of something.