Dead and Cum

er, uh...Dedication and Commitment. Two words that used to describe a life of mine. See here as this blog has gone by the wayside. A month or so it has been since last I published anything here, but there are 7 drafts just sitting waiting to be completed. I give it to those that are not lazy and continue to put the word out or get a simple chore finished, like taking out the trash (it's a gd accomplishment and don't let anyone tell you diff'rnt). In recent months, I have come to realize that I am indeed spoiled. In so many different ways. My mother spoiled me the only way she knew how because I was an only child pretty much (the youngest of 4 by 9yrs). People have also spoiled me by giving me the greatest friendships of all time for about a year or two then we never speak again for many different reasons. A death, a cheat, a lie, a retarded hypocrisy, distance, and just being girls. Throughout these relationships you look to find yourself and grow together for a bit and learn new things to accept or not about the other. Generally friends will accept one another in such a way that a slip of the tongue should only result in maybe an argument or a few days of not talking not a lifetime of silence. Then again, those friends that can't see past themselves in any way shape or form, though they may think they do, remove themselves either because they are sick of hearing the truth every time I am around and that ain't the troooffff they tryin' to heah or it's not enough about them. The other spoilin' come from that fallout. Trust is still an issue no matter how hard I try to break back to the way it used to be. Lately I have been really making an effort to think about how I used to react to people as a child. More specifically, how did I react and communicate with the "special" folk? Watching a bit of the Beatles' Anthology last night and they remarked on how John would act kind of retarded (of course the 3 remaining didn't say it that way) when he would be uncomfortable; anywhere. There was even clips of it. I laughed. I picked it up from previous clips before they said anything. Me too, John. Regardless. Being the comedian, I was always nice to special folk and then had a good laugh at their expense later, but then it was adolescent immaturity and now it's just immaturity for comedy's sake. Genuinely though I used to help out like go to a dance for the Special Olympics and let my high school janitor grab my ass when I was a senior! OMFG!!! Creepy and no I didn't let him, but you know my whole youth group was joking and egging me on. I used to help the kids with crutches, chairs, Cerebral Palsy, etc, here and there and I want to do that again. Seems more rewarding to help other people and spread the wealth. It's also hard to hang on to friends because they sure do come and go so quickly so might as well make someone new have a good time. I used to dedicate and commit myself to making sure all who I encountered had a good time with me or I was able to help them in some capacity. So much so that even in their absence, though it may be miles and years since seeing or communicating with them, I will still spend just a little time of my day thinking fondly on that person and wondering how they are when guaranteed they haven't thought of me in years. It's been a long road on the way to myself and we are getting there. A few setbacks this past year have given me a new way to look at things and it will take a little more time to get to a good place again. Just want to give a shout out to you HEEB HO for your friendship and total understanding of the way things should be. Thanks for the Purim. That was ssssssssssuper!