As the Horn Blows

I am woman. I am a fiesty woman. I am a chill woman. I am a woman who can handle any catastrophe that you throw my way, but if you question my knowledge one more time, I will fucking punch you in the face and rip your sac off! What is it with people not taking my ideas or believing me when I tell them the problem is real? Things have not been going well recently and I am just trying to get through the day without killing myself and those who piss me off near my personal space. Once again my car is getting fixed. More specifically, the horn of my car is being "fixed". Whether they really fix it this time or not is what concerns me the most. The horn, connected to the airbag (how convenient!!) goes off on its own, but there is virtually no way in this day and technology age to document the "mysterious" horn blowing. This issue has been going on for a year and the mechanic may be closer to believing the situation today.

We shall see. According to this forum, sounds like I am SOL!!!!!

CC AC

Comcast Assclowns. I realize lots of people have complained about the assclownery that goes on with Comcast Customer Service and I'm adding one more. Not days before I decided to put all my services on one bill with Comcast did a friend of mine rant on and on about how fucking retarded Comcast's customer service is and how he would be canceling his service to deal with another provider. I just chalked it up to my buddy having some anger management issues and customer service ineptitude until I actually had to make calls regarding a minor adjustment to my Comcast service. If you have all three services (internet, cable, and phone) there is not an "all in one" number to push on their menu, so you have to talk to each department seperately to figure out any issue you may have with your service. Nor do the other departments have a screen that indicates you just calling the other departments, so you are constantly repeating yourself. It's obominable. Waste ma time, muthah fuckah and I put a cap in yo' ass. Oh, if only violence made things better. For now, I must blog into the no-0ne-reads-my-shit oblivion.

Babbling and Vomiting

The Hippocratic Oath. Do no harm. (I am pro-choice mind you) How do some of these doctors sleep at night? The job is not to stop the issue, it is to present a cure or at the very least, to figure out the best answer and most help without raping us. Don't just stop it, fix it without suppressing. It's such a twisted issue. Have you seen the commercials for the Partnership for a Drug Free America? It's not about your brains on drugs anymore, it's about your teenage kid taking the pills for adult pain, nausea, heartburn, anxiety, blood pressure, craziness, et al. Is prescription drug abuse worse than taking Glade hits. Mind you, I've never taken a Glade hit, but I was entertained by a few incidences that were and still are hilarious. Retarded dangerous, but after the Virginia Tech shootings last year and the more recent NIU shootings, I am thankful I was able to stumble around campus wasted and completely "protected" by my college's arms. Though sad, I am more pissed off that they fucked it up for their fellow students. Forget about fear of rape at night, now you have to fear taking a class in an auditorium, eating lunch in the huge ass dining hall. I realize the digression here, but shit needs to be put into perspective. We need more attention at home. Our elderly, not to mention those not so, are being raped by pharmaceutical companies without a thought. It's not about Medicare, it's about drug prices. It all goes back to education. Education is by FAR the most important thing we need to have for everyone. Free and most excellent. It isn't hard and not nearly as costly as people would expect. If I believed in carrying a gun, I'd shoot the old bible beatin' geezers down myself, but I don't believe in carrying a weapon because I don't want that responsibility. Johnny Dickhead that cut me off a block ago will get my wrath instead of say, oh, the biggest chode of chodes sitting on top of us for the next 339 days. And either is not something that will keep me out of jail, but both might award me a medal of courage. Guns belong to a few. A handful outside of law enforcement and that includes, but not limited to the little Asian lady that owns the Jiffy Mart next to the ghetto. We have to stop hurting our own people. I hope it starts to happen before the end of this heinous term. Life is precious.

My heart goes out to all affected by these horrific shootings. And almost specifically to the shooter's father. I can only assume he is beside himself. I know I would be.

CBS

Cock Blowing Station? Since when did CBS get hip? In less than two hours, 5 references to weed, unlimited allusions to the male package and/or Viagra, and constant discussions of sex and masturbation have continuously made my jaw drop. CBS???!!!!! What about Ray? And Murder She Wrote? I used to think the station was the Christian Broadcast Station. Who knew I'd get all hot and bothered?

Well, how I got there is via Bravo, via Actor's Studio with Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. It occurred to me today that she is one of my favorite female comedians. I don't have too many, in fact, maybe two or three. Carol Bernette. huh. Just those two come to mind. Well, kudos to Julia, she gets to be in a relationship with Blair Underwood on the The New Adventures of Old Christine. Good lord that man is beautiful. He makes a show worth watching. Maybe CBS should be BCBS.
You know what I'm talking about.

The Battery That Never Was

So about a week or so ago, I had a fire in my kitchen. A weeeee scary for those of you never having experienced such a close call with flamage. I was curious to know why my smoke detector did not go off and it was indeed because there was no battery in the smoke detector.

Never assume your landlord has taken precautions. Just know they aren't thinking about you nearly as much as they are thinking of themselves.

Test and change your smoke detector batteries regularly. They can save your life.

DENSE AS TAPIOCA

Some may call it dense. I call it, well dense, I guess. Just had a couple realizations today that make growth worth living through entirely. (major DOH!s) Suicide is so completely understandable. Life is a series of hits and misses. (And I ain't talking about the old clothing store.) It's a new year. Some stayed the same and some hath groweth for the mo' bettereth. Good and bad come and go with that fucking tide, so we might as well try to make the best of it while we still have some passion for life. Sucka dick. Do it in the Amtrak parking lot. Know it's ok to force your co-worker to spoon you. It is totally fine. Keep reminding yourself.

Go sing a medley.

Spoonage

Spooning in the new year was pretty sweet. The underestimated power of the spoon. After having your erection bearing into my jeans as you tug on the belt loops grinding me closer, you won't even kiss me. You almost yell, "No turn back around." What is that all about? I'm good enough on the phone or from behind, but not attractive enough for a make out session? Now I know for sure that a good portion of this reaction could have SOMEthing to do with my low self esteem. You should see some of my diary entries as a little girl- always "loving" some dude or many dudes. Some were consistent over the years, but not one of them ever knew the extent of my affection because I never believed I was pretty enough for them. So here I am again in quandary over actions I have performed and things I have said, good and bad. And to his credit, he struggles with self sustained issues as well. Though for spending 24 hrs with the same person and not doing it, he did not get on my nerves nor did I lose my horny patience.

Bottom line was that I got the spoon that I asked for and it was for a decent amount of time AND I got a little boob feel up, too, which was an added bonus. Felt a little like a school girl, but it wasn't exactly the way I envisioned the potential-turned-bailed-seduction attempt. We were supposed to go all the way, but I left a nice fury wall up. hahaha It was good to just have some heavy petting. hahaha And I guess at the very least, you did say I have potential and having heard it before, I think I get it now. I like things that I can spoon; yogurt, peanut butter, cream cheese, cerealThus begins my 2008 New Year's resolution ~ To work on my potential in all capacities.