A Never Thought of Comparison

Sam Kinnison. I was compared to Sam Kinnison. Never have thought to compare myself to him. In fact, until a few years ago, he annoyed the crap out of me. Because he was a comedian, however, I gave him the benefit of the doubt since he was obviously doing something right and if I can get passed the screaming, I'll laugh with him. Sure enough and that acceptance has lead me to here. Another part of the journey. To be a stand up comedian is abrasively uncomfortable. I want it so bad that I would give up today instead of striving for the perfection that I want to achieve as it will be a loooooong MOFO road to hoe. Last week was SOOOOO much busier than most over the last couple of years and though in retrospect it made the week go by waaaaaay faster than I like, that is something I will need to let go of and understand that a lot can be done in 15 minutes. Things can be done a lot quicker if you do it now as opposed to later. Giving the understanding of my nature and/or habits of before and now, I am slowly submerging myself a little more into the public.

Once again I will be journeying to Phyllis' Musical Inn for the second Tuesday open mic on my reemergence back into the place that is stand up comedy. I have spent just about the last 12 years avoiding that which is prescribed as antidepressants. I have taken them before and have also been in and out of therapy to deal with a breakdown in my mental state, but until 2 years ago had minimal success.

Upon graduating college after 4.5 yrs of just "getting it done", I have found that I need people to need me, but I also believe that I can't stay in just one area because of the people. I would like to, but it as it ends up all the time, people get married, have kids, move to burbs, and have a whole new life they create for themselves. That's great. It was brought to my attention most recently that I am and always will be a non-conformist. That's it. I never considered myself that, but in retrospect, again, I totally see it. The first few early examples have to do with theatre and music. In chorus, in 7th grade, we were to choose a song for our final and I chose "Here, There, and Everywhere" by The Beatles (greatest band ever). I had heard the song once before and didn't know that sheet music was not always the layout of what the band was singing on the album. It was good anyway because I did it a cappella and no one else did theirs a cappella. Being in music, but not theatre until later, I used to poo poo Phantom of the Opera and Les Miserables, because I didn't believe in the hype. These are just small examples of non-conformity.

This new understanding of myself has allowed me to relax a little in my skin and, though just a hair faster than a snail's pace, I will get myself back into the performing world.