SOY

Shame on you. Shame on you for not responding. Shame on you for not responding after you saw my picture. Shame on me for feeling super confident after we conversed emailily (new word) and not having thick enough skin to deal with the rejection. You fucking douchebag. And to think, I was gonna put my mouth on your cock. Huh. I can't believe I was so naive (again) to think that answering an ad out of the blue would once again be uncomfortable. I don't like the 'answering ads' or 'posting personals' on the internet or even in the newspaper for that matter. Not that I think there's anything wrong with it and I think it's great that people find the connections there and some that really work and survive. I believe I become more attractive the better you know me, but when it comes to these personals, I just can't get a hit. I even offered up my best services because he was upfront enough to ask for it in a non-pornographic way. Not saying that pornography is bad, but for me, that's something to bring up later after you know each other a bit. Up front right away for me signals that it's more important than a relationship. This guy asked for a decent BJ. Since recently getting out of a long term relationship and wanted a good blow, I was like 'Hell, I've been told I have a gift' and almost felt like it was a little destined that I happen to look at the misc personals on craigs for only the 2nd time in all the time I've perused. Well, as it is, third time is hoping to be the charm. I will post my own ad somewhere probably craigs cuz I ain't payin' for no datin' service. I have already decided what I will be saying, but I'm going to wait until I have another affair next week. It's not really an affair as he is not married, but indeed, they have a commitment and he is obviously needing something else. I would be the desperate fool in this tormented act of carnal secrecy. He likes keeping me a secret. I have not kept it a secret because I have a big fat mouth which is why I'm great at BJs (douchebag!) This will only be the 2nd time for our actually physically doing the deed as opposed to phone calls, somewhat obsessive on his side, but I kinda like it and he'll keep calling since I won't answer. A few times I let him go for so long that he almost gave up or at least that's what he said on the message, so I'd call him back. Got to keep him hanging he's all I got left. That's not how I really feel, but it seems kind of weird that I'm still hanging on to him and he to me. He calls too often for it to be casual. We don't just have phone sex, we actually talk about what's going on in each other's lives. He actually calmed me down on the way back from CA in April. He knows me really only by phone and some class time (old instructor), but was able to settle me down when I was freaking out about my flight being canceled. I grow concerned because he is in LA and when I make my way out there, I just wonder what will become of us. Comfortably I could go either way. I don't know that we could just remain friends because he so used to talking to me about certain things and sometimes in a certain way, so I leave it up the gods. In the meantime, I shall place a personal ad on craigs and it will be confident and honest and hopefully three will bring the charm. Cheers to all the non-douches!