Pops

(NOTE:::::: I LOVE MY FATHER FOR WHO HE IS NO MATTER HOW MEAN THIS BLOG!!!!!!!!!)After a long day of touristing, baseballing with my dad, and the three martinis he downed when we got home at 11:30pm, I told my dad that he didn't believe in me (among some other things). He had just announced that he was going to hit the hay and we started arguing over something I don't remember at this time since I partook in some doobage not caring if he smelled it coming out of my room. And it's not like he doesn't know. Whatever. This is why I broke into hives this week. I knew I was going to have to have a talk with him about his behavior in public i.e. unintentional racial slurs. He doesn't mean to be a racist, but his comedy can be so not tactful. Last year we were getting out of the train station on the Southide of Chicago at Sox/35th and there was a break in the crowd when a larger African American gentleman walked across our path about 30 ft in front of us. What does pops do? Says kinda under his breath, but not really because he's losing his hearing, "Hey, hey, hey!" I just walked away from him because at that point that was third in a series of the inappropriate speaking. What was good about that talk is that it came up on it's own after he said something stupid and I started in on him (on the train picking him up from O'Hare!) and he quickly retaliated with almost an apology, but more like 'he knows', type of thing and that he'll be better about those. Since I've lived here, he has visited three times and it's usually pleasant, filled with baseball, and feeling like a 12 yr old kid. Now that may seem fine to some, but part of the reason for starting therapy again is why I feel like a 12 yr old now and whenever I spend time with my dad. I've been pretty blatant in my opinions on certain things ie the Catholic Church and the hemp/doobage this visit. This visit has been good since he is listening to me a little more. He'll make a judgement on someone and I would correct him in saying that people are people and so forth and though he still interrupts my sentences with jokes, one liners, or the need to finish up my babbling, he has become a better listener. He made a reference to everyone having to believe in the Christian God and I quickly insisted he know that not everyone believes in God the way he or any Catholic does and that I have fallen away from the church. He'll yield because he doesn't want to pay attention long enough to hear the point so he can make a joke. Oy. We started talking about The Da Vinci Code and how he won't read it. Why? Because he's a devout Catholic and has no interest in reading something so scandalous or as he said, "It's based on some fact and fiction. ???!!!! He'll never remarry and possibly thinks my mother to be a sinner for marrying someone else. He believes if divorced, which is heinous (not like surfer heinous) in itself, one won't remarry. I don't understand the concept, but after observing his behavior over the last 11 yrs and reanalyzing his behavior before that, it might be best for him not to remarry. He's content on his own, but did vocalize the dislike of being the third wheel which struck a cord with me and I think I had actually brought it up. I'm dealing with that little issue much better as of late. I realized it's my own insecurities and the stupid fratdicks aboooooooooooot. My father, on the other hand, just thinks it plain old sucks. SOOO many things I get from him and it almost makes me mad that now, I have to deal with all his goofy DNA. I'm uncovering a whole lot of stuff now in therapy. He is indeed an alcoholic (much like Mom), not a "bad" one (meaning abusive), but indeed one just the same. He went all day without so much as a beer at the ballgame (all four games) and when we got back he slammed down three martinis in about 20 mins so in no time he was beligerant and swaying. I have virtually nothing against drinking accept the beligerance and the drinking and driving. It's just not appealing to me on a daily basis and it costs too much when I can buy a bag of dope for $80 and it'll last at least 3 weeks. I wish I could remember what we were arguing about, but it doesn't matter because I couldn't get into the "you don't believe in me" remark while he was drunk so I sent him on to bed and we haven't spoken of it since. He leaves tomorrow and we've had a good time going to the baseball games and such. I feel a little bad because I've snapped at him a few times and I'm a total bitch for those times, but that's me and I've been dealing with him and his pissing down the front of my toilet bowl. Ugh. whatever. Point being I've been dealing with a little more OCD junk while he's been here and it makes me a little more nervous of WTF am I gonna do when I get married (if I get married). I can't even go into this as apparently I am premenstrual - awesome. Now all two of you who read this will know my menstrual cycle.