Inevitable

I realized the second thing that I had been resisting is the next step in the relearning of myself. I am a feminist. Not a Neo-Nazi one, but a genuine woman that believes that woman can do great things and don't necessarily need their man to pay for it. So I guess that's the socio-feminist that I keep hearing about, but can't find a straight up definition. A wonderful friend of mine has recently published her long awaited novel (Three Fallen Women by Amy Guth http://www.guthagogo.com/) She has introduced me to the socio-femist type of women's greatness. Truly inspiring. Her journey has made me think about things a little more heavily. It would be nice, but at this point, no man wants to take me to dinner regularly. I am now getting angry. I'm not just hurt, continuously, but I am jerked around. I understand this is normal for the most part and SOOOOO many woman go thru this and it is constantly complained about and ranted and screamed about, but damnit, I'm a good chick. I give great head, I would rather go to a baseball game than get jewelry and I like to have a good laugh. It makes me so crazy that this dude that I had relations with a few months back says to me that I don't call, well, when you say you're gonna call me, I agree to wait for you to call. By you saying, 'I'll give you a call' I feel you mean, 'Don't call me, I'll call you' type of thing and leave it at that. The other day we spoke for a bit for the first time in a while. He was giving me shit about not calling him then two male co-workers walked up and both extended a greeting to me and I returned it and the dude's reaction screamed 'jealous boyfriend'. 'Who are they?', he said so accusingly. Fuck you, tiny dick guy! Just because I say hello to two dudes has nothing to do with you and I and what we did several months ago and even if I did lay them both (which is not the case), who the fuck are you to judge me?! I don't ask if you've been with a white woman, nor do I ask if you're fucking women every night since last we did. I can't care. You're not my boyfriend even though I've put it out there that it's ok if you want to be my boyfriend, but after you dissed me today to speak to other chicks, you get none of my good piece. Guess who gets my good piece? The dude I've been having phone sex with for three years who lives in LA, but he'll be visiting in a couple weeks. I am becoming bitter, superficial, and really anti-men and women right now. I bet my neighbor is sweet as pie, but because I live below her and hear her every blessed move above me, I hate her and won't even attempt to get to know her out of spite. I heard her laugh again today and just wanted to run up the stairs, push her boyfriend out of the way and punch her right in the face. Then I want to take her fucking heels and shove them so far up her ass that she will only be able to walk on the balls of her feet. I hate girls. I really fucking hate girls. Not the girls who hate girls (and you know who you are), but the ever giggling, hookerlike dressed, bitch that needs her man to go shopping at Nordstroms with her when clearly he is bored out of his mind. Why would you make your mate do something so retarded? That proves that you are a bitch and you give not two shits about what they want to do, but what you want them to do with you even if it means boring the living snot out of them. I don't want to be bitter, but I am feeling a little uneasy about becoming the woman who never married and kept getting cats to keep her company. I don't want the marriage or the kids right now, but I sure could use a dude asking me out for a walk or even meeting for the free movies in the park. I don't want to die bitter and angry at the male race, but it's becoming more inevitable that I, too, will be donning some military fatique capri pants and a matching green wife beater.