Only 75 more to go...

As if I wasn't already reminded of how seemingly unmarriable I am, I must don another fucking bridesmaid dress. I am the "sister" of the groom yet again, and yet again I am made to buy a red dress that will make me look like a fucking house. YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!! It is so lame to be so negative about it, but I don't have money to buy a dress for someone I almost don't like, but because she had to go and marry one of my best friends, I am forced to be gracious and accept the cost along with the distant annoyance. I will refrain from going into full details as it is possible to hurt her feelings and I am really doing all of it for the groom. Fucking dick. I owe him nothing and yet I feel this unending need to do things for him even though he treated me with such repeated disrespect. This is the time to let it go and yet, I grow more annoyed because the bride has picked David's Bridal for the dresses and there is no David's Bridal in Chicago. It's in a 'burb and hour away. Come ON! If I weren't so damn self conscious, my wedding would all be in the nude.

For the record and a little history of my wedding involvements:
Flower girl
Altar server twice (that's right a progressive Catholic church- I didn't even have to wear a white robe and I carried the cross!)
Bridesmaid - 5 xs 6 in October
Maid of Honor
Reader
Emcee of reception
Weed provider for bride

~was supposed to be in three others and backed out of two and wasn't involved in the third because it stayed with just immediate family and I have two more on the horizon, but they will probably elope to avoid the hassle of it all. I respect them all the way. Spending that much money on one day sends me to space. Recently I was invited to a wedding with 650 guests. I.I...I..I..honestly had no idea how to digest considering the guest list AND racistly enough I expected the table of black folk I was meeting to stand out for me or for me to stand out to them, but no luck with 650 colors of the rainbow. No alcohol. I was thankful to not drink because I would have been housed in the middle of the burbs and making cracks about the grooms Aladdin suit. Traditional garb for his country sure, but ignorant white girl's fodder. Complete with the elf shoes. I almost peed my pants. Soooooo glad there was no alcohol. The brides dress was covered in multi-colored beads or jewels. Still, the sheer weight of it must have been just unnecessary. I am unable to justify the necessity, but that makes me a different type of woman. For me, it is about my man and me. I appreciate the idea of sharing with your friends and family, and I'm all about ceremony and tradition, but not all brides need a carnival to join with the love of her life.